just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
