my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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