I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
