Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
