so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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