I puked a lego.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
