So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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