wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
