I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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