I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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