K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
