in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
