you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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