I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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