There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
