Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He kissed a someone with a penis
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
