I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
