I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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