I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
