so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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