Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I need a hoe opinion
go on
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
