he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
