My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
