he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
