I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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