Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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