When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Randomize
