My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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