Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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