some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
