My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
