i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
