My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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