toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
