I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
