I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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