I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
