Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
