Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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