I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
