What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
This toilet bowl is my home.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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