her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
