i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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