Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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