dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
