five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
