i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
