This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
