I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
