69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
