hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
