drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
