Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
